Craftomatic

I was on my way to a storytelling job in the small east Texas town my parents grew up in. My dad and nephew only live about an hour away. So, I decided to spend the night there before traveling to the library to tell stories.
Generally, I slept in my nephews bed and he slept on the futon in his living room area. When I put my things in his bedroom, he showed me something that caused me some consternation.
At first it looked like a giant white taco shell. “I'm not sleeping in that.” I said to myself. My nephew was showing me his new Craftmatic Adjustable bed. As only a 12 year old could, he was guiding me through the remote control operation.
“You can lift up the back,” he said lifting up the back. “You can lift up the front,” he said lifting up the front. “It vibrates too,” he said pushing the vibrate button. “And it has something called The Wave.”
“What's that do?” I asked.
“It sort of sends a wave of vibration up and down the bed.”
“Does it go flat?” I asked, worried. I can't sleep on my back and in it's taco position, I could foretell a long night.
“Yeah, you just push this button.” I was relieved. When I visit my dad and nephew, I generally sleep in his bed and he sleeps on the futon in his living room. His bed used to be a small twin-sized day bed but now it was a bed advertised on television. My dad for whatever reason had ordered two of them one for him and the other for my nephew.
“It's great!” he said. It's helped my shoulder a lot. He'd torn his rotator cuff months ago while cleaning out some gutters and it had taken a long time to heal. I was still dubious. Still, the wave sounded kind of cool. Later that night after I had gotten ready for bed, I pressed the wave button. A gentle humming noise oscillated from one end of the bed to the other. All I could think of was the first hotel we stayed in when we came to the U.S. We'd just moved back from Mayalasia and were taking a trip to Corpus Christi. We stayed in a small motel near the shore. It had one of those boxes for quarters on the bed and we begged mom to put one in it. The bed started vibrating and we laid upon it. It just kind of vibrated below us as we lay on it. It certainly bore no resemblance to the 'Magic finger' claim. I had hoped that 'Magic fingers' would be a little more exciting. Now I had 'The Wave'.
I lay down on the twin sized mattress and the wave undulated beneath me. I've suffered off and on from insomnia for years. At the worst times, it takes me an hour to two hours to fall asleep. Often, it's not that I'm nervous or anxious about anything, it's more that the sleep mechanism doesn't kick in. So I lie in bed, tired, but not quite relaxed enough to drift off to sleep.
The one thing that will send me off to sleep are rhythmic sounds. I'm almost addicted to rocking chairs and have almost shoved old ladies in order to beat them to sitting in one. I've almost fallen asleep in many of them. Likewise, if I'm near the ocean or have been swimming, the constant repetition of the waves lulls me into a deep slumber.
Now, I had 'The Wave'. I lay down. It was actually fairly neat. The rhythmic sounds of oscillating motor beneath me gently shook me so much that if I held my teeth together too tightly, they chattered.
I relaxed and shortly drifted off into a peaceful slumber remembering the dirty waters of the Gulf of Mexico lapping up on the shores of Corpus Christi.
- posted by Brian Herod @ 8:28 PM